My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
