What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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