you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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