The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
