Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
