I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Randomize
