whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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