you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
whose parrot is this?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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