he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
