I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
