I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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