i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
