We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
