just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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