I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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