he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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