do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
