Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
There r osticjed everywhere
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
