At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
