I got chris browned last night
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I am midnight drunk by noon
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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