I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
