I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
