i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
