is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
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the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
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Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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