How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
