Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
