I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You're like the curious george of whores
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
