My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I should be sponsored by Trojan
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
