I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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