420 ftw
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
