its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
