end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
