please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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