Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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