You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
