they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
