woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
