my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize