Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
