i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You don't make any sense
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