Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
