But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
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But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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