So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize