Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
