Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
