I just pynch a tree in the face
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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