He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
