Porn is love you can see.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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