I bet he comes in French.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
