I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
