he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
