It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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