i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
