do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
