u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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