Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
