I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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