Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
