It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
