I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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