His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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