Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
