I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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