am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
