I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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