hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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