I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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