I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
