Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
