Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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